Sunday, January 25, 2015

Reflecting on forgiveness

I've always thought that I am quite an easygoing and tolerant person.

Perhaps that is one of the lies I've always told myself.

Quite a number of people had told me that I am pretty 'inflexible' and I've always found that weird and almost insulting. I mean, if you traced my creative background you would find that I am more than capable of thinking out of the box.

So, why this 'inflexibility'?

And I realized, they weren't talking about my aptitude.

And I had also finally realized, that despite the "let it go" mindset that I've been holding on to, the fact remains that I can't change my own nature.

And the fact remains.

That I am truly, truly, painfully, an unforgiving person. In many ways, I had been mercilessly cruel because of this too.

Why should I forgive and forget, when people aren't even sorry? Do you see God forgiving Satan?

Actually, the latter question is quite a bad analogy, for its answer is straightforward and yet difficult to explain and comprehend. We know that God is Love. And God is, well...God (duh). Why does he allow Satan to continue roaming around and causing grief and agony to everyone? Do you think, that when it comes to a battle of power, Satan even stood a chance?

Satan himself knows perfectly well he is nothing compared to God's power. Not even when he brought down an army of fallen angels with him to hell. He is not allowed to do anything to us unless God gives him permission. So then the question comes again, why does God allow Satan to live and do shit? After all, why would a loving God create or tolerate a Devil? God not only allowed Satan to continue on deceiving all of Adam and Eve's children, but to have dominion over this world. Behind the facade of love, is God actually an evil sadist? Did he purposely create Satan to do evil?

The answer is love. Yes, I know that you're like, wtf.

God is love. God did not create an evil angel on purpose. But it is also because of Love that's why he didn't choose to karate Satan on the spot when he had first disobeyed God as Lucifer.

Is forgiveness an option for Satan? Hell, Satan doesn't even seek repentance.

But the fact remains that this is already a great show of God's love. From the bible, it is prophesied that around Christ's second coming, Satan would be caught and thrown down into the lake of sulfur. But God would release him one last time before the Final Judgement, when Satan would forever be condemned into hell and destruction.

God, in great love, is and will remove all doubt about Satan's repentance before He pulls the trigger. Mind you, I am not saying that God loves evil for evil. It's something like 'love the sinner, hate the sin' kinda thing. Except this time, the sinner is Sin in itself. But even so, even Satan was allowed to have free will.

Many times when I find myself unable to forgive, everything slowly snowballs into Hate.

I find Hate deliciously painful. Unforgiveness usually stems from hurt. To even allow yourself to be hurt, you start from the simplest form of Love.

So yes, I had loved, you had loved, God had loved, we've all been betrayed and let down to feel hurt.

In a form of self- defense, I usually convert it to unforgiveness and hate. It feels like a sort of sadistic empowerment, a consolation, a way of recovery. But I realized that it is the exact opposite.

Driven by anger and unforgiveness, I usually lose sight of what is truly important. My loved ones.

Why be miserable, when you need to focus on them? You can't do two things at once. Actually, yes you can, but to a miserably sad degree that I'd like to call- Failure. There is no need to waste time and energy immersing in the anger and hate of unforgiving another.

Of course, that being said, I am still the same. I let my feelings and emotions go with da flow.

Forgiveness is still something that I struggle very hard to grapple with, but I am starting to learn. Starting from God's love.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

信じられない!!!!!

YAHHHHH. How I wish everyday would be so eventful!

It goes "WTF" to "FML" to "OMG to "ILG". Such wide spectrum.

Think I'll start with the shitty things and then flush them off with the awesome stuff.

For starters,
"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."

Now, I won't go so drastic as to demand help, coz nobody owes another a living. But I have never met anyone as rude as them.

Yes, them. As if one is not enough.

My school is holding this food event (shall not state event name coz I actually support it) and I thought I should really go check it out.

When I arrived there there was a mini queue and I was pretty lost as in what to do there.

So I approached one of the event girls and inquired about the event.

She is nice enough. I love nice people.

And then everything starts going downhill after I got my plant from another nice event girl.

I went to the goodies bag booth and a group of boys had just left the booth. I was curious so I decided to also leave my particulars (and also to get free goodie bag whee).

That girl was markedly less enthusiastic on talking to me and explaining the event to me, but of course, I see she has no choice since she was the only one tending the booth.

I didn't think much of it, and anyone who knows me knows that I am a very nice person and I don't like to judge people negatively.

But even I, the very lag and socially mong cha cha person, can tell that she is THAT kind of girl who only likes to talk to the boys.

So okay, I take the whole situation nicely when she (rudely) broke our conversation halfway and immediately began chatting up the boys behind me.

You can imagine my shock when after the boys left, she just suddenly, RUDELY, left the booth halfway while I was keying in my particulars.

Freaking 기집애!!

Like HELLO I CUSTOMER LEH AND YOU JUST LEFT ME STRANDED ALONE? (Mind you, she knows that I am still there because I am standing right in front of her and the booth and she never even say anything, and just left. She was supposed to hand me my frigging goodie bag and assist me but no, she wants chat up the boys who are vaguely interested in the bloody booth).

If you don't want to at least try and do your job decently, then I wonder why you are there in the first place.

Just WTF man.

I think I'm not describing the whole situation well, and I am sounding like a petty 기집애, BUT take it from me that I was being a very nice and polite human being and that girl was being the very sort of 기집애 that I dislike and cannot stand.

As if that wasn't bad enough, another event girl noticed that the booth was empty and came to fill in the gap and tend the booth (management seriously needs help).

I was relieved momentarily because I looked less of a fool standing in front of an empty booth WHEN she ignored me and started chatting up another group of boys behind me.



WHAT IS THIS???




WHAT IS UP WITH RANDOM GROUP OF BOYS BEHIND ME AND GIRLS IGNORING ME AND CHATTING THEM UP???

信じられない!!!

IMBALANCED GENDER FAVORITISM IS AGAINST MY MORAL POLICY.

And I really hate it when women and girls are being bitchy towards one another.
WHERE IS THE GIRL POWER??? SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS???

ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR!!!

Okay, I'm done with my rant.



ON TO THE OMGGG STUFF.

So yup, this few weeks is the university's module allocation period (aka good luck fighting for a good timetable, everyone). I was feeling kinda shitty because I messed up my timetable again.

The day before, I was feeling very conflicted and shitty, coz I realized the only module I actually liked was seriously oversubscribed, like literally 63 pending requests to 2 vacancies.

To cut the long rant short, I prayed really hard for the module.



AND I GOT THAT MODULE. TODAY.



信じられない!!!!! PURE YAYNESS!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYY




ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!! AMEN!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

Before unbelievers scoff at me for the seemingly cheesy line, you have absolutely no idea how lucky I am this time lah. And how desperately I asked God for it. lol.

LET ME HIGHLIGHT TO YOU THAT IT'S JUST LIKE STRIKING 4D! Except you have to actually suffer. For the module's exam (but that's another story yah).



Btw yes everyone, I am officially the laggiest fangirl of all time. Like, I'm always literally 2 years laggy when it comes to good stuff. I hope I won't be so lag when it comes to my turn to fall in love with my SO. Will probably be an old hag by then (OH GOD NO).

Coz recently I have been quite crazy over MY LOVE FROM ANOTHER STAR.



AHHH!!! WHY AM I 2 YEARS LAGGY!! 왜 오 왜???


IT'S...SO ROMANTIC! SO CUTE! HILARIOUS!! SAD!!!&(&)$&(*@&#)& *Incomprehensible fangirling*
The plot genuinely surprised me and I really can't stop watching episode after episode! It's just so damningly good! All the punchlines are also seriously well-written, no wonder people even go and looked up all the references lol. Even I also wanna memorize their witty lines.
And Ace all my exams. Probably.



Jun Ji-Hyun is such an inspiring actress! I frigging love the character she portrays! DAMN HILARIOUS AND WITTY.
Kim Soo-Hyun makes me really want to fall in love ahhh!!! DO MIN JOON I WANT TO BE YOUR STAR WINK WINK.


Okay,next drama: Moon Embracing the Sun. Yes, I haven't watched it.

信じられない!!!!!

*Hides*

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Very lag but.. I'm now a VIP

Heya (: Thanks for staying by this blog; had been fighting my inner demons and this has been quite a tough time for me as well as my family. It was like a wild forest fire after many harsh blows.

As I pray for the fire to be extinguished, I wish you all a very merry Christmas; never forget the real reason for celebrating this beautiful day!

I will try to update more often, so watch this space! (:

***


Before you reel in shock at my seemingly conceited post title, I'm pretty sure fellow VIPs have already understood me~

YES I'M OBSESSED WITH BIG BANG NOW.
More specifically, with G Dragon but I still love BB as a group!

DBSK is still my number one, but that doesn't stop me from admiring such a brilliant kpop group that Big Bang is! I think I have a thing for 5 member bands.

I feel like such a terrible person because I've never really took notice when Haru Haru first came out and was trending on Facebook.
Then I was vaguely fond and momentarily hooked on G.D's single, Heartbreaker. But that was it; I went on to other catchy songs.
And then Fantastic Baby came out and took on the kpop world by storm. I thoroughly enjoyed the song in my JC days- I remember Kai Lin was pretty cray over the song ("Boom Sha Ka La Ka!!" *wink wink*) coz she is a VIP hahaha.



If you've never heard Fantastic Baby....I really wanna say it in a nice way, but you're living under a rock :/

I have to admit though, the real reason for this sudden trigger wasn't really because of a sudden enlightenment of my musical taste......

I was re watching the Running Man episodes (84, 85 and 163) that are coincidentally featuring Big Bang...
And I couldn't help but notice how charismatic and good looking G Dragon is (seaweed "weave" hair and all...) , as well as how good-natured the members are ...

So yup, I started replaying their songs and obsessing with GD.. and I am honestly extremely impressed with how talented they really are. Was pretty inspired by them while watching the Big Bang Documentary:



PS: rest of the videos up on Youtube, but I set autoplay here for convenience.

BB was nearly gonna be just a 2 member group with just GD and Taeyang, the CEO Min Seok Yang then decided to turn it into a band with a few more members (hence the documentary!).

Dae Sung is such a sweetheart! Kinda sad the producers all judged him (quite harshly, in my opinion) on his looks.. Learnt about the accident in 2011 and it made me really sad for him. It's been 3 years, but I still wanna wish him the best. Read the article on how Dae Sung talks about his faith and GD and it really touched me.

Seungri is a bouncing ball of happiness. I think the documentary should've featured him more. He's such a great entertainer on variety shows! Like, he's simply hilarious and wears his heart on his sleeve, which is refreshing.

I didn't know HyunSeung almost debuted with Big Bang! My God, I mean look at where he is now- a member of BEAST and you would remember him as that dude in the subunit TroubleMaker with Hyuna!  I suppose his image don't really match BB's intended style, but it would be interesting if they had kept him.

I'm also pretty surprised that T.O.P used to be a not so good dancer.. I think that's really cute though! He must have felt pretty damn stressed then, but look at how pro BB's practice dances are now, especially for fantastic baby!

Btw T.O.P's single DOOM DADA was used by my bro's art teacher as an art education class O_O I know that it contains alot of symbols and stuff, but that is still pretty interesting.. in a bizarre way. Song's frigging catchy though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAoME_aMm1w

As most of us already know, Tae Yang's latest single, Eyes Nose Lips was a phenomenal hit in both the kpop and international world of music, winning the song of the year at the 2014 MAMA awards and spanning countless covers and parodies (most notably Running Man host Yoo Jae Suk's hilarious but brilliant version of the song and Jayesslee's cover). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwuAPyOImoI
I loved Ringa Linga as well! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJfZ69MSlvY

Dae Sung's trot song is hilarious, especially the eye dance thing! I especially like 1:47 coz got GD hahaha
"KOI KOI KOI!" I LOVE THIS SONG




I also finally understood Han Ga In's admiration for GD-
That man certainly has this inexplicable charisma and confidence around him.

*Warning: Fangirl mode unleashed*


SORRY I'MMA BE VERY BIASED TO GD BEAR WITH ME.

As a rap prodigy who started training as an artiste and musician since the tender age of 11, GD is also not only a gifted songwriter, smashing dancer and a highly acclaimed international fashionista, he is also deserving of the leader of BB due to his smarts and decisive personality.

He composes most of BB's songs and his own singles, and designs his own image.

Couldn't decide which is better- a smiling or unsmiling GD
I never thought I'd say something like this about anyone, but his teeth is so beautiful.

Gotta admit, my first impression of him is that he is a little bit on the soft side and that sometimes his image gives people the wrong impression..but we all know that he is actually a super sweet dude! I CAN'T GET OVER HIS SINGLE, CROOKED!  How can anyone sing and rap with such a unique voice?! I can't even...

SO CATCHY! HE SO GOOD LOOKING! DON'T JUDGE MEHHHHH



And let's #throwback to the brilliant Heartbreaker and That XX , shall we?






AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS KIKO MIZUHARA.

KIKO MIZUHARA-------THAT VERY SAME GIRL WHO WOULD BE MIKASA ACKERMAN IN THE 2015 SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN (ATTACK ON TITAN) LIVE ACTION MOVIE.

Like many other fangirls, I am a little sad that GD is not single anymore but I SHIP. I SHIP THEM SO HARD.

Okay, I am almost done with my creepy stalking, so let us end with GD and Taeyang's latest single THAT IS SUCH A FRIGGING EARWORM (In a good way of course):

GOOD BOY