Saturday, January 31, 2015

The train arrives

                                                Sweet little one,
With your dainty, delicate hands outstretched
         You willingly leapt off the ledge
                                     Into the hands of your
 New caretakers.
Winter in their smiles, they led you from the mall
        Where you were last seen before you were gone
         Bustling streets of Liverpool
       Where strangers gush at the lovely sight
                              Of the three young boys-
A veneer of guileless innocence.
           But they were blinded to the reason behind
                          The plight of those tears.
                                                   Beautiful child,
      Tottering behind the big boys,
Through the meadows of breathing wildflowers
             Into the cosy little shed where
             You were fed batteries
Battered, Beaten, Bludgeoned, Splatted
                With bright blue paint
                                      Dropped on your head

                                        Poor little doll
With your mangled little limbs,
              They laid you to rest
On railway tracks

            The situation, speculations,
Aggravations, allegations-
                        It was everybody’s Devastation

The distant calls of soft, melodious
                         Ringing and rumblings arrives-
The whistles wails as the wheels
     Slices through the silence of the night.

No time to bid goodbye

To grieving parents.

*Poem written in memory of James Bulger

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Reflecting on forgiveness

I've always thought that I am quite an easygoing and tolerant person.

Perhaps that is one of the lies I've always told myself.

Quite a number of people had told me that I am pretty 'inflexible' and I've always found that weird and almost insulting. I mean, if you traced my creative background you would find that I am more than capable of thinking out of the box.

So, why this 'inflexibility'?

And I realized, they weren't talking about my aptitude.

And I had also finally realized, that despite the "let it go" mindset that I've been holding on to, the fact remains that I can't change my own nature.

And the fact remains.

That I am truly, truly, painfully, an unforgiving person. In many ways, I had been mercilessly cruel because of this too.

Why should I forgive and forget, when people aren't even sorry? Do you see God forgiving Satan?

Actually, the latter question is quite a bad analogy, for its answer is straightforward and yet difficult to explain and comprehend. We know that God is Love. And God is, well...God (duh). Why does he allow Satan to continue roaming around and causing grief and agony to everyone? Do you think, that when it comes to a battle of power, Satan even stood a chance?

Satan himself knows perfectly well he is nothing compared to God's power. Not even when he brought down an army of fallen angels with him to hell. He is not allowed to do anything to us unless God gives him permission. So then the question comes again, why does God allow Satan to live and do shit? After all, why would a loving God create or tolerate a Devil? God not only allowed Satan to continue on deceiving all of Adam and Eve's children, but to have dominion over this world. Behind the facade of love, is God actually an evil sadist? Did he purposely create Satan to do evil?

The answer is love. Yes, I know that you're like, wtf.

God is love. God did not create an evil angel on purpose. But it is also because of Love that's why he didn't choose to karate Satan on the spot when he had first disobeyed God as Lucifer.

Is forgiveness an option for Satan? Hell, Satan doesn't even seek repentance.

But the fact remains that this is already a great show of God's love. From the bible, it is prophesied that around Christ's second coming, Satan would be caught and thrown down into the lake of sulfur. But God would release him one last time before the Final Judgement, when Satan would forever be condemned into hell and destruction.

God, in great love, is and will remove all doubt about Satan's repentance before He pulls the trigger. Mind you, I am not saying that God loves evil for evil. It's something like 'love the sinner, hate the sin' kinda thing. Except this time, the sinner is Sin in itself. But even so, even Satan was allowed to have free will.

Many times when I find myself unable to forgive, everything slowly snowballs into Hate.

I find Hate deliciously painful. Unforgiveness usually stems from hurt. To even allow yourself to be hurt, you start from the simplest form of Love.

So yes, I had loved, you had loved, God had loved, we've all been betrayed and let down to feel hurt.

In a form of self- defense, I usually convert it to unforgiveness and hate. It feels like a sort of sadistic empowerment, a consolation, a way of recovery. But I realized that it is the exact opposite.

Driven by anger and unforgiveness, I usually lose sight of what is truly important. My loved ones.

Why be miserable, when you need to focus on them? You can't do two things at once. Actually, yes you can, but to a miserably sad degree that I'd like to call- Failure. There is no need to waste time and energy immersing in the anger and hate of unforgiving another.

Of course, that being said, I am still the same. I let my feelings and emotions go with da flow.

Forgiveness is still something that I struggle very hard to grapple with, but I am starting to learn. Starting from God's love.

Thursday, January 22, 2015


YAHHHHH. How I wish everyday would be so eventful!

It goes "WTF" to "FML" to "OMG to "ILG". Such wide spectrum.

Think I'll start with the shitty things and then flush them off with the awesome stuff.

For starters,
"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."

Now, I won't go so drastic as to demand help, coz nobody owes another a living. But I have never met anyone as rude as them.

Yes, them. As if one is not enough.

My school is holding this food event (shall not state event name coz I actually support it) and I thought I should really go check it out.

When I arrived there there was a mini queue and I was pretty lost as in what to do there.

So I approached one of the event girls and inquired about the event.

She is nice enough. I love nice people.

And then everything starts going downhill after I got my plant from another nice event girl.

I went to the goodies bag booth and a group of boys had just left the booth. I was curious so I decided to also leave my particulars (and also to get free goodie bag whee).

That girl was markedly less enthusiastic on talking to me and explaining the event to me, but of course, I see she has no choice since she was the only one tending the booth.

I didn't think much of it, and anyone who knows me knows that I am a very nice person and I don't like to judge people negatively.

But even I, the very lag and socially mong cha cha person, can tell that she is THAT kind of girl who only likes to talk to the boys.

So okay, I take the whole situation nicely when she (rudely) broke our conversation halfway and immediately began chatting up the boys behind me.

You can imagine my shock when after the boys left, she just suddenly, RUDELY, left the booth halfway while I was keying in my particulars.

Freaking 기집애!!

Like HELLO I CUSTOMER LEH AND YOU JUST LEFT ME STRANDED ALONE? (Mind you, she knows that I am still there because I am standing right in front of her and the booth and she never even say anything, and just left. She was supposed to hand me my frigging goodie bag and assist me but no, she wants chat up the boys who are vaguely interested in the bloody booth).

If you don't want to at least try and do your job decently, then I wonder why you are there in the first place.

Just WTF man.

I think I'm not describing the whole situation well, and I am sounding like a petty 기집애, BUT take it from me that I was being a very nice and polite human being and that girl was being the very sort of 기집애 that I dislike and cannot stand.

As if that wasn't bad enough, another event girl noticed that the booth was empty and came to fill in the gap and tend the booth (management seriously needs help).

I was relieved momentarily because I looked less of a fool standing in front of an empty booth WHEN she ignored me and started chatting up another group of boys behind me.





And I really hate it when women and girls are being bitchy towards one another.


Okay, I'm done with my rant.


So yup, this few weeks is the university's module allocation period (aka good luck fighting for a good timetable, everyone). I was feeling kinda shitty because I messed up my timetable again.

The day before, I was feeling very conflicted and shitty, coz I realized the only module I actually liked was seriously oversubscribed, like literally 63 pending requests to 2 vacancies.

To cut the long rant short, I prayed really hard for the module.




Before unbelievers scoff at me for the seemingly cheesy line, you have absolutely no idea how lucky I am this time lah. And how desperately I asked God for it. lol.

LET ME HIGHLIGHT TO YOU THAT IT'S JUST LIKE STRIKING 4D! Except you have to actually suffer. For the module's exam (but that's another story yah).

Btw yes everyone, I am officially the laggiest fangirl of all time. Like, I'm always literally 2 years laggy when it comes to good stuff. I hope I won't be so lag when it comes to my turn to fall in love with my SO. Will probably be an old hag by then (OH GOD NO).

Coz recently I have been quite crazy over MY LOVE FROM ANOTHER STAR.

AHHH!!! WHY AM I 2 YEARS LAGGY!! 왜 오 왜???

IT'S...SO ROMANTIC! SO CUTE! HILARIOUS!! SAD!!!&(&)$&(*@&#)& *Incomprehensible fangirling*
The plot genuinely surprised me and I really can't stop watching episode after episode! It's just so damningly good! All the punchlines are also seriously well-written, no wonder people even go and looked up all the references lol. Even I also wanna memorize their witty lines.
And Ace all my exams. Probably.

Jun Ji-Hyun is such an inspiring actress! I frigging love the character she portrays! DAMN HILARIOUS AND WITTY.
Kim Soo-Hyun makes me really want to fall in love ahhh!!! DO MIN JOON I WANT TO BE YOUR STAR WINK WINK.

Okay,next drama: Moon Embracing the Sun. Yes, I haven't watched it.